Field Tripping

Today I participated on a team that chaperoned 24 fourth graders at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Two of my friends helped (at the last minute) by watching Normandy and getting her to and from preschool, so I only took Zerin. I didn't have any field trip appropriate lunch items Sunday night. Instead of staying up late baking bread, I decided to get some sleep-- good choice-- and hit the Subway in the morning. Yay for the $5 sub!

The kids in my group were great. They stuck with me and didn't wander away. In fact, those 9 kids were easier to manage than my 1 toddler, who hates sitting in the stroller. Zerin has so much energy, he can wear out a marathon runner. He's also unpredictable, running off in all directions- at once. Imagine all that spastic energy strapped down for several hours. When Zerin was finally released from his "prison", he decided to throw an abalone shell into the touch pool, splashing 2 moms, 3 kids and the volunteer docent. I quickly apologized, reminded Zerin not to throw and took him to the kid friendlier touch pool, where he splashed in the water and refused to touch the squishy kelp.

The sea star, however, Zerin was very excited about. He stroked it with his fingers, just like I showed him. Then he picked it up and threw it back down into the water. The grandma across from me said, "Oh no! Who is his owner?!?" I stared at her, in shock. "Are you talking about my son?" She just blinked her eyes and walked away. Really and truly, I have taught Zerin better than to throw living creatures. Second, it's a sea star. It the ocean it gets slammed against rocks.

Having addressed the woman's legitimate concerns, I can now complain about her Rudeness.

So, when did a mom become an "owner"? If political correctness was her goal, she could called me any number of things: parent, adult, nanny, mom, dad, uncle, parole officer. Instead, she chose "owner" as though Zerin were a dog. I won't even get into the subliminal message embedded in her comment that I'm somehow invisible. Even though I was standing next to Zerin and across from Rudeness herself. Ugh.

As I though about this, cause what else am I gonna do as I stare at the Sheephead fish for the 100th time in my life, I realized my true frustration with Rudeness's comment. She implied that I am not doing my job. My only job. Mom. Whether she meant it or not, that's how it sounded to me. She said, "Who is his owner?" and I heard, "Why isn't this boy's mom taking better care of him? Why doesn't she teach him not to throw sea stars? Why doesn't she control her child? She should be fired." Do I deserve to be fired from my Mommy job?

No. I don't need to be fired. I am not perfect, but the reality is Zerin is a firecracker. He learns by touching, jumping, climbing, throwing and hitting. He understands the world this way. Since Zerin likes to wrestle and splash, of course the sea star would like to splash. Since Zerin loves getting wet and seeing the drops fly from the touch pool, of course everyone loves to see the water splash from the touch pool.

I have no idea what Zerin will become when he grows up. I do know that right now my job is to help Zerin control his impulses and become less self centered (long term goals here, people). Most important, Zerin's self confidence, tenacity and love of learning must survive beyond these terrible two's.
I realize this woman was completely surprised by a flying sea star and said the first words that came to her mind. I'm sure she never meant to bring me so close to tears or shake the foundation I stand on every day. Nevertheless, she did. Who knew there would be so much time for self reflection while shuttling 9 kids around the aquarium? I told you I had a good group.