age appropriate behavior?

The phrase “age appropriate behavior” does not help me. It invalidates my observations and gut instincts as a mother. I sometimes feel frustrated and let down when I hear those words. And they're said for, what I believe, is one of two reasons. First, the person is trying to make me feel better. Thank you. Your compassion is duly noted, however, your dismissal of my child's erratic and inappropriate behavior as “normal” implies that I am wasting countless hours at therapy, doctor's appointments and crying into my diet coke. Second, perhaps they do not have a full understanding of the situation. “But she's so cute!” Yes, my 3 year old is very adorable in her glasses, but she should be able to say more than two words. Her cuteness does not excuse her lack of speech. “He's so smart!” Yes, he is smart. But his smartness doesn't stop him from running in the road, hiding in the car park and screaming for 10 minutes when I try to coax him into the van.

“Age appropriate behavior” tells me I am the problem. Those well meaning words convey the message that I can not cope with normal children. I must need some parenting education class because Simplicity Parenting, Parenting with Love and Logic, The Power of Positive Parenting, Successfully Parenting At Risk Kids, etc neglected to provide the skills necessary to raise my children.

Those who know so much about child development are right. I can not cope with normal children. God gave me the tough ones because I needed the challenge.